If I have to write one more thing I will lose my mind!

For those who do not know, I lead a very busy and somewhat stressful life. I work full time and have recently gone back to school full time in hopes to get my BA next year. Either I have selective amnesia or I'm getting old but I remember college being more fun then this and the guys a lot cuter. So any-whooo, The end of the semester is near and I realize that I have once again bitten off more than I can chew. Why oh why do I not shut the hell up and just slip by unnoticed? Not me, I volunteer to do two large in depth papers and a presentation. Oh, and did I forget to say that I rather have a colonoscopy without a sedative then talk in front of a room full of people. But here I am blogging (which I'm still not very good at but it is cathartic) rather then sit to write theses papers. Why? Because talking crap and ranting is much more fun then starting my papers on communication over the past 30 years and the desuxualization of Asian men in American society. At least I get to look up hot Asian guys for one of my papers. Okay, okay, no more screwing around! Back to work, will blog once school is out.

Here are some pictures of my rope work. I am so lucky to have friends that let me practice on them, where would a new Domme be if she couldn't get that "behind the scenes" practice.

I'm still learning a lot about different ties and positions and hope to graduate to suspension one day.

I find myself in a place where I feel obligated to do what is expected of me and at the same time striving to do what I want and need to do in order to survive figuratively and literally. I want to break free of these "restraints" and live my damn life, but why can't I? While speaking with a friend the other day I told him how I was feeling and his response was great. "Are these expectations that of society and your family or are they self-imposed"? I hate when people answer a question with a question but he made me think. I remember having my fortune read a couple of years ago, and the reader told me that what I feared most was success. I think as I get older I'm beginning to understand what he meant. By growing and becoming successful I will leave the world behind that I know ie. my family. The fissure between my two worlds is quite visible, now how do I bridge them or do I even try at all.

I can not wait until Sunday. Going with a friend to see Mistress Midori in LA at JT's Stockroom. My first "lessons" on becoming a domme were from a lecture I attended several years ago given by her. I learned so much that night. Not to buy into the typical porno stereotype of who a dominatrix is. You win more flys with honey than with vinegar (my mother actually taught me that). Know what your sub wants. I carry these words of wisdom with me during every play session. Not only is she a wonderful orator but she knows her shit, hell I was willing to be her submissive after listening to her.
It is good to stay fresh and go back to the beginning of your journey, to see how far you have gone and brush up on your basics. And while I'm there I can get a few more toys to add to my collection. A girl can never have to many toys. And it is a wonderful opportunity to network.

Well what has been going on in the life of yours truly? Still getting settled into my new place. Enjoying living like an "adult" for the first time in my life. School is a pain, but well worth it. Hope to graduate next spring.
I was laying in bed the other night watching TV and contemplating about all of the things that I want to do this year. Being as busy as I am these days it's hard to find the time to even brush my teeth but I have lots of plans. Vacations, books to read, movies to see, parties to attend, but what about the personal? I had lost all hope of any personal anything in October when I ended things with "him". I lost any desire to go out and have fun, check out men or even find a sub to play with. That was the most disappointing and depressing thing about that breakup! I didn't want to interact with any man in any way. The one thing in life that I literally get chills from I could care less about. Fuck!! Whats wrong with me? I am a domme who not only does not have a submissive but has no desire to dominate! Am I still a domme? Or just one that has hit a rough patch in her life? Here I am walking around as if I am indestructible like my bra and panties are made out of kryptonite. Wham! Found out that I can be destroyed.
Okay universe/all knowing domme in the sky I get it, lesson learned. Even a mistress is susceptible to getting her heart broken. So here is my next ques. Do I play with fire again or learn from this painful event and protect my heart (and ego)?

Blah, blah blah, blog!

Okay!! I'm finally moved into my new place. I honestly believe that my clothes and furniture were secretly reproducing and creating more crap for me to move. Due to the exponential growth of my possessions and the lack of Internet service at home I was unable to blog endlessly, but I'm back so watch out!
2009 has been good to me so far. Great new place to live (ALONE), starting school in a few days, broke my I-Pod but bought a bigger and better one. "Cross fingers". Do I dare say I'm even looking forward to bathing suit season? I'm usually a pessimist but now I'm high on life. Note to self, make appointment to see doctor may have fallen and hit head during move and don't remember.
Well back to unpacking. Just found some more boxes. Hopefully I will find all of my toys. Bad Toys! I turn my back for a few days and they break loose. Just like their Mistress, they can't be kept cooped up for to long.

Moving

I'm moving this weekend. To where, I am not sure but I do that I am moving. 6yrs of crap has some how accumulated around me and is now neatly stacked in my living room ready to be transported to my new dwelling where it will some how reproduce to create more crap! I wonder if I should try minimalism this year? Order me up 1 wood chair, lamp and a mattress and toss the rest. Walla! Minimalism. No, would never work. I'm to high maintenance.